i always thought:
what i give i will surely get back
that nourished heart
will crave my unending love

but that wasn’t quite right
for they only wanted more
salivating for thick blood
and deep joy

i gave it all and somehow, more 
i fed for so long
starving on my own bones
watching this monstrous miracle
and the 51
squandered over and over

once should have been my message
but my screams of loneliness
truly destroyed my ear drums
and i was deaf all along