I don’t remember signing up for this adult life where we have to fight like dogs just to move the needle one millimeter forward.

This world doesn’t seem to be able to run of rejection messages for me and I wonder if I might get to the end of all of my (career, wellness, everything) searches without a single yes. Rejection doesn’t hurt me anymore and I don’t even care if it’s personal, I just am numb to the now broken record message that I’m not good enough for advancement.

This lingering feeling of numbness has me searching for meaning, for something more in this chaotic, cold world. I want to grow, thrive, just a step higher than survive, and I’ve begun to see much of the stuff that used to define me almost like a prison, and I just want most of it to go. I see that the extra craft supplies as stuff that I’ll never get to and even if I have a few hours free, I just feel so disconnected from many of my hobbies.

I used to have so many great ideas and aspirations but now I just want to value myself for who I am, doing everything I can to rediscover that creative soul that got beaten into the soil of this brutal reality.

I just want to find goodness in the world again and enjoy the simple pleasures and I want us to let go of the bullshit of this world – tangible or otherwise – that just does not belong in our sacred space.

Even though everything feels so far away, there is a kernel of me that still believes that life can turn around. I don’t have enough hope to feel foolish, just enough to put one foot in front of the other to keep going through this hell of life.

I think a lot about burning away the garbage that doesn’t serve us anymore, about cleaning up our lives and about finding those glimmers of good. I don’t know where this road will take us but I know it will be different from where we’ve been before, because I see the small things that I let go over now begin to stir the desire for more of less, more of my own advancement.

I am the last person that you would ever meet that would begin a journey to become a minimalist. If you could see the hoard that I’ve lived in – mental and physical – it just seems impossible that I would change. In a weird way — that might be the purpose of all of this difficulty, though it is far too early to say. All I know is that this is the way forward, this is the only way out.

Thanks for reading!
Kayla

PS: I’m sure this abundantly apparent that I don’t use AI to write or edit my posts, I still can’t distinguish between verb tense, correct capitalization, commas, and dashes *____*